If My Home I Never Find

I did it. I made it to graduation.

Tomorrow, I’ll be walking across that stage, this time to be hooded for my Masters in Social Work. It has been an interesting past year and half, to say the least. I’ve had some great times and some terrible ones and a whole lot of fluctuation between two less extremes.

Now, on the eve of graduation, I’m faced with another convoluted crossroads of potential. The urge to run is back; the restlessness has been building over the past couple months. So, I am hitting the road after graduation. I am going to drive as far and see as many people as my dwindling funds and aging automobile will take my wandering soul.

Why? I have yet to find an answer for that which I can put into words. This need to run, to go, to wander has bewildered and frustrated many of those I care about, but I don’t have a better answer than simply that: I need to. I am searching for something, but it’s impossible to express it in finite language.

         I am searching for a home; I am searching for a place where I can have both peace and motivation—stillness and purpose.

            I am searching for an explanation; I am searching for answers to questions, and every time I start over I have found some and gained others.

Mostly, I am searching for myself. Somewhere between 18 and now I lost something and I’m trying to find it again, whatever it is.

And so, I’ll leave Boston behind soon. Realistically, I’m likely to return due to constraints of the job search, but even if I do, I wont be long to stay before leaving again.

Why? Because I need to. Because I haven’t found it yet.

 

“If my home I never find,
Let me live again.”

I’ve posted this song numerous times here, there, and everywhere. When words fail, music is the best expression I can offer, and there’s no better emotional explanation I can offer than this song.

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