I was supposed to spend this evening documenting for my work, but thanks to a forgotten wallet, containing the necessary information, I guess I’ll write a blog instead. Which I just realized I haven’t done in quite a while. My blog is so many levels of dysfunctional, but I suppose that is fitting.
The truth is I’m terrified that I’ll miss one step (if I haven’t already) that will make the difference between here and there, between achieving my dreams and just dreaming. I am simply bad at forming habits, maintaining habits, and disciplining myself to achieving something that isn’t an immediate concern. Doing nothing is too easy.
Following through with graduate school details.
Finding a second job.
Starting some form of physical exercise.
Staying up-to-date on my work responsibilities
Resuming a frequent reading schedule.
All of these are things I desire, things that I have deemed important, if not necessary, for my present or future goals. And all of these things remain untouched, incomplete. Every time I find myself gaining the resolve to start one or more of these, I wake up the following day with all of that forgotten.
Normally, this is the spot I offer some potential solution, some new insight, but I don’t have any to offer that hasn’t been said or isn’t already known. Simply put, I am terrified I will wake up 30 years from now and look back on a life of miss opportunities. A product of lethargy and forgetfulness.